Piano exam in five days. Ahhhh. I need to pass this or else I might as well quit strings. I can't get either right.

And why must the exam piano be so screwed? The keys are so soft and loose, and some felt like harpsichord keys. I'm going to die.

Sec ones are here. Violinists are quite okay, and Eliel somehow got into strings. So much for being the "best sec one in EC3". And Jiaxin got into strings as well. I felt like calling him a loser cos initially he wanted badminton and claimed he was very pro, but nevermind, I'll be kind. At least, he's enthu for now.

Consortium assembly emcee and iCMG presentation. Went on quite well, and I'm quite satisfied. Well good thing was that Ms Choh talked for too long and so the last part was cut off. Hehe save energy.

And I got a new council badge. And it's exactly the same other than that it's a little cleaner, and probably all new. Who knows, my old one may be a reused one. Hmm, I'm still going to use my old one though.

Worried about iCMG. We've presented. Now the consortium wants to see action.

I've been slacking a lot. Argh.

So hard.

Looking back at the past, and things made me seem so stupid.

It's bad enough just starting at Secondary school.

Entering council, yup, sure, everything was fine. Then running for iExCo'09. At that time it seemed like the most valuable experience ever. Indeed, possibly it was. But why must we fail, Gary, why must we fall together? It's either you get it or I get it, right? If we both fall together, then what's expected out of both of us? Yes, to run for Exco again the following year, so we'll probably be the two who might possibly lead, with one of us being the Chairman. But I didn't run again. And it was totally expected, you got Chairman. Yes, I gave up Exco for Openhouse, but on various occasions, when the Exco is called for, I suddenly just felt the regret that, hey, I want to be one of them. Yes, I totally remember my passion after results release for Exco'09 and during Openhouse'09 allocation of roles, when I told myself and the people around me, I'm going to try again, I'm not giving up Exco. And for String Orch Exco as well, when I lost to Hekai, I comforted myself by saying, great, now I'm totally free for iExco'10. And in the end did I run for it? No I didn't. Why then, is Openhouse so important? Simply because more than half the previous Sec 2 OT members who are now Sec 3 went on to pursue their own interests. Zhongxuan, Jay and Jia Wen to SLC, Gary, Weiheng and Jarel (Logs IC) went for Exco. They all got something they wanted, and who's left? Colin and Keith. If I go for Exco as well, what would be left of the OT? And furthermore, I'm the Progs IC, and by default I should be getting OS for the following year, so if I simply just throw Openhouse away, what would people think of me? They would ask, if you're so passionate about Exco, why take up Progs IC in the first place, when you know what's required of that role?

It's still true, that I want Exco, that I want Sec1 Orientation OT. Just a small role will do. I'm not expecting any big roles like what Chairman or OS, just a small member in the team. That would boil down to another question that I can't even answer myself: Why did I give up Sec1 Orientation when I failed to get into Exco'09? Ask my parents. It was like my only chance, and I gave it to Weiheng. Yet, if I go for interviews for Sec1 Orientation last year, I'll be carrying double roles - for Orientation and for Openhouse, and I don't want to be so kiasu and obtain everything possible.

And still, the things people say and ask last year, regarding Exco. Mr Chua, when he talked to me about my poor MSG, said that he knew I'm dedicating a lot to council, and just hoped I could in fact balance it with my studies. And he added, "hopefully you can run for Exco again this year". It sounded far at that time, but in fact not quite. Then openhouse. When I volunteered for Progs IC, Zhonghui asked me if I'll be running for Exco, and I said yes, and people just said, I'll obviously run for it. And following that, badging, with the card Glendon wrote that said, "try again [for Exco] this year". And moving on, I could still remember people asking me to do things in condition for voting for me, like Chin Yee, he told me to sign a sticker for this fund-raising thing, saying that he'll vote for me if I did. And at the end of the year when I finally decided that I'm not going to run for Exco, people started questioning me like I'm under interrogation by the Police. Yes, I missed the deadline thanks to my 1 week quarantine due to ILI. Yes Gary, it's a lame excuse as I could simply call Mr Chua and tell him about my situation. And yes Gary, I longed for SOO and held on to the bit of hope that's left, and yes Gary, I'm sacrificing council for iCMG, but no Gary, it's because iCMG needs a lot of help and not because it's very significant to me, and no Gary, Openhouse is not important to me, it's important to the school, and if it screws up you might as well burn Hwachong down. I never bothered counting how many people were so inquisitive, but Gary covered all the questions generally asked, so I'll answer to him.

Now I feel so slack, like a new CIT who just joined council and has nothing to do other than Saikang. Which is true, by far I only got Saikang work and nothing else. I feel insignificant. Now, what else for Openhouse? I gave up the best opportunity for Beijing trip, I'm about to give up OB Sabah. If something happens to Openhouse, like the teachers decided to tank the whole thing themselves, or that it's passed to another consortium, I don't know what to do.

I don't regret joining council. I only regret my decisions in council.

Why do I have a feeling that I assume I'm very high and mighty in iCouncil, when actually it's in fact the exact opposite?

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A bang, and a screech, followed by the almost never-ending car horn, which was covered up eventually by the police car and ambulance sirens.

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I didn't really dare look back at primary school, but I just peeped at P5 and P6.

They're the two years I miss the most. P5 began with very new people and new experiences, while P6 it's a totally new feeling of life that I experienced. It's fun and torturing at the same time (no I'm not sadistic), and I totally enjoyed it. I miss 6E'07. The people, the teachers, the life, everything. How I wish I could just go back in time and experience the two years once again, just the way it was before.

Pro man. I've been spamming a lot of posts these days. Possibly cos I'm bored and don't want to do homework or mug. Randomness.

Just suddenly thought about my March holidays, and just thought that it'll be super screwed. How many days do I have that's totally free? To be exact, I guess about 2 so far, which are the two Sundays. Argh what's taking up my time???

Ironically I'm quite worried about my tests. Should I just slack off simply because seniors say that it's normal for Sec 3s to fail their first term tests? Miss Tey told us it's normal too, so should I just take this opportunity to settle other random stuff?

Likely I'll mug my Piano more. Mum, who doesn't know it's "not a joking matter"? When did I ever joke about it? And do you know that school tests is not a joking matter as well? Argh...

Yes, I'm screwing up my life. I hate it, but I have no choice. Have fun.

Is it obvious?

Yay back to Qifa today!!!

Celebrations ended at around 9.30am. Had to help move the banner first, then went to Qifa with Ming Shi. Apparently when we arrived only Brandon Lum was there. Quite sad, he was the loner there stoning. The canteen food is still more or less the same, with some new stalls, and the price is still really low.

Ming Shi dragged me up to 5B to give this totally impromptu speech about Public Speaking, and it was really impromptu. We were told like 20min beforehand and we didn't really use that time to plan anything. Quite cool actually, the class is quite attentive and interactive.

Sad thing is that I was  more or less the only one from my batch, and Brandon was the only one from his. Really sad.

And Mrs Chan is going to retire :O Later batches are going to die.

The completed campus now seems not very good, especially the old blocks. The renovations seem badly done and now the classrooms are long and narrow, so people at the back won't get be able to concentrate at all. Rather have the old small classrooms instead.

Next time back would be on Teachers' Day. That's super far away. I want to go back sometime soon. ):

You don't seem angry. Don't know if it's real or just for show. What does this mean?

Here comes CNY. And thank goodness (and possibly thanks to the flu vaccine), I'm not sick like last year, so I can go back to Qifa. Finally. The last time I went back was in Sec 1. Last year it's either I'm sick or I can't make it at all.

I really miss 6E. And 2I4 too. I realised that as my level moves higher my class gets more and more dull. Is this the expected effect of streaming?

I don't know why, everything seems to become worse. My activity level in council dropped, and I feel so daoed by everyone around me. What did I do? What exactly did I do?

Valentines Day with CNY, and I'm proud to be still single.

Yes, I know you're pissed. I think I've gone overboard. I was just trying to help. But now I feel totally suaned and at the same time guilty. I don't know what to do. It's too hard. Sorry.

CNY, great job. It'll be 4 days of continuous mugging for every single thing other than Chinese. And this includes my piano. Anyway, my CNY is always very sad. No relatives to visit, so = no ang pao at all. Parents don't bother giving. Usually there will be gatherings with my parents' friends, but no more this year. I'm a sad deprived soul.

I guess the only significance of CNY for me would be decorations. It's my last year doing decorations, and yet I still didn't get the chance to hang the vertical cloth along the clock tower columns. I tried it out actually, and it worked rather perfectly, but we lacked cloth. The limited budget didn't permit us to buy anymore. How sad can it get?

Why then, must my Term 1 be so totally screwed?

I suddenly felt that everyone is starting to ignore me for some reason, and I don't like it. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. But who knows it may after all be true.

I'm totally sick of life. It's tiring. Nothing interesting happens. It's getting more and more meaningless.

Maybe it's that SMS I got that totally made me emo. The sender sounded totally sian and emo, yes. And I tried to cheer the sender up, but not only did I fail terribly, I got influenced by the emo-ness as well. Now I feel as though everything is lost.

HKMOY Exchange just ended on monday. Actually more appropriately it ended on Sunday. They left on monday.

Still remember initially when I heard that the HK people are coming for a combined concert I didn't give much of a damn, especially when we're playing Tchaikovsky 5 and I skipped so many practices that I sucked badly at it. And therefore I was super thankful when I was told that there are 5 Violists from HK and I'm the 6th player in the Viola section of HCISO, which means I don't get a HK desk partner. And I'm still feel so as although I have been mugging a lot since last Thursday I'm still not that good and very prone to screw ups.

Amazing race on Sunday was screwed up in a sense, thanks to a very cooperative and understanding Takashimaya and Kinokuniya, whose managers actually complained and chased us out. But I got to know some of the HK people in my group, which was great. And now I miss the exchange programme and Tchaikovsky (amazingly).

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37HSC - Frontlines 领 - INVESTED

Invest was quite okay other than a few screw ups - Ushering (there's no one passing our ushering location), and Council Video ("due to technical failures, we're unable to have the video"). Which were epic fails. But the HSC PERFORMANCE WAS DAMN COOL!!!

Toured CHIJ St Joseph's Convent (CHIJ SJC) with Keith. It was quite cool, only that the two we toured were quite shy, so we didn't ask for contacts in the end. We had quite a full tour, and I think they enjoyed it, although a bit sian at the last part. In the end it turned out that we actually kind of needed the contacts, but nevermind. See if can go for their invest if possible, provided I don't get the schools I originally wanted.

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OMG I feel so screwed.

I'm totally afraid I may screw up tests this term. Like don't even have time to do homework, let's not talk about revision. And I'm sometimes brain-dead in class. Especially maths. Damnit.

And I'm selected for OB Sabah. And amazingly it clashes with Openhouse in May, which is actually the first day of OB Sabah. In August, I'm afraid it might clash with HCISO overseas exchange, which I want to go badly, but it's not confirmed yet. Argh and OB Sabah application ends in one week, so WHAT DO I DO???

During invest as I see the various consortium council ExCos, I suddenly felt a bit of regret that I didn't manage to join the ExCo thanks to ILI. For two years of invest I never got to wear a blazer on stage, and it feels quite screwed. But thinking that a good reason to make me not regret would be that I have Openhouse, so sure, I'm actually fine with that. However I'll have to join HSC, no matter what.

And SLC fac - I want!!! It'll be all these that I wish for in turn of giving up ExCo, and I hope I can fulfill them.

Why must my parents tear apart my March camps for some cruise? Well I hesitated but still accepted so they would stop nagging. But I hope nothing important falls on the three days...

I suddenly feel like I have to complete loads of stuff, and I really fear I can't finish them... AHHHH.

Why is life so screwed.