Sigh. Should I or should I not. The ultimate question to everything.

The things I need, I can never get.

Let's see how many more times I can afford to fail. Or at least, be said have failed.

HCNYATFM, still the thing that I look forward to most. OT, jiayou.

Dreams are so hard to achieve, wishes so hard to fulfill.

Open Your Heart

When I had the opportunity, I let it go... When I desperately try to dig it back, it's too late...

As we get further and further apart, hope gets more and more frail.

"I am currently still stuck with my school work, I will try to complete it by tomorrow and send it to you"
How well phrased. Go on, do your work, get your perfect MSG and let OH screw up, councillor.

"What is happening?"
Don't ask me. I don't have the solution to everything. Go find out, IC. Is questioning the OS the only thing that you know?

I know, I'm annoying.

Whenever there seems to be a chance, the sparkle of hope always lost. Why must things turn out to be so cruel...

Bleh, Chinese test tomorrow. I'm not exactly prepared, the words are quite hard. There are about 100 phrases to memorise in less than a week, what total spam. Well I just hope I can get A1, since today's comprehension was quite easy. Oh, and speaking of comprehension! Liang Lao Shi split the test into two parts, so we had our comprehension today. And guess what, I think I did the 2nd comprehension in Qifa before! I'm sure I've seen the passage before, but I don't know if the questions are the same though. But still they were easy.

I can't believe I actually missed ICAS Science thanks to the misconception that we couldn't skip afternoon lessons for it. And anyway it was only Special Programme period, which was absolutely free time today... And like that I threw away at least 3 ACE points... But well no choice. I spent my time at Insight Series Part I, which was the elections. I didn't really understand the whole thing until much later but anyway voted for DPEN, because their plans and ideologies are quite solid and reasonable. Then went for Physics Quiz, and since I skipped lesson last week I couldn't understand most of the things today! And well I failed my quiz on the topic as well. And probably most people didn't understand much anyway, the instructor was going at a super fast pace and we were just busy scribbling down whatever he's writing on his tablet PC (Nanyang girls behind were going "eh uncle, slow down leh" at the instructor and when I told Yuan Cheng about this later he was totally laughing out loud). Well I still want kinematics.

Leadership Development Programme Symposium at NYGH on coming Sat morning, and apparently the dress code is "Smart Casual" -.- I'd prefer school uniform, seriously. After looking at the programmes sheet I guess it'll just be yet another stone-and-listen event (a symposium after all). But I'm happy that it ends at noon and not later.

I have to bid for sabbaticals... And there aren't any good sabbaticals worth going for. Interesting courses offer no ACE and they're usually priced at about $100. But let's not talk about ACE, though I may be quite desperate for it. Hmm how about drums? Or maybe I should go for badminton cos after PE on Tuesday I realised that my badminton is totally crap (frying eggs -.-) and I still got cramps all over my body now. And I'm lacking exercise as well.

Open House! It's in less than a month, OMG, and I'm amazed by how Mr Rong can still stay so calm! I'm going crazy thanks to my dear Logs team, especially Mr Adriel Kek, who's giving me crap work and I probably have to do things for him -.- never mind, as long as I make sure Open House runs successfully.

And I really can't wait for CSM! Another fun event that involves all councillors and cheering! Jiayou Pui Jeng, Gary Heng and Aldric, make CSM a resounding success okay!

iCMG is really slacking, I can't believe things can die just like that. I really don't know what to do... Exco, please save ourselves!!!

How does it feel, to carry some random white powder in your bag, which actually costs about $100? Or how does it feel, to carry about 100 tiny glass tubes in your bag, without much protection? All for our research project! Fun fun fun! But I realised I probably can't survive for a long time in lab, I'll get bored. Maybe I'm a little more clear of what I should aim for in future...

I'm going all the way in council, regardless of what it takes. Yup, I'm decided. (=

Before I forget, HAPPY BIRTHDAY WAI LUN!!! Have fun at home, and have fun when you get back to school (and face the tests ahem). ;p

Well what a random post this is, a long time since I had the mood to post so much crap.

Looking forward too weekends, like how everyone always does. :D

I shall be there.

The knife grows longer by the minute... It is stabbed in directly from the front, a little towards the left of the chest. The more it is pulled out, the longer it gets, and the sharper it gets. Getting rid of it seems impossible...

Why, why must you whack me away like this?

It really really hurts... But I rather keep the pain than lose everything else. It's worth it.

I shall wait patiently and work hard so that in future nothing will go wrong. All that's for you.

Open House OT, for heaven's sake, PLEASE DO YOUR WORK. If you refuse to, please get out of the school.

Things just aren't working out. All my bloody fault.

I simply hate myself for whatever I'm feeling, whatever I'm doing, whoever I am.

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

-Welcome to my life - Simple Plan


I really miss the times...

Half day, aha. So much for cheering for full day at CCK Stadium. Please, Dr Hon, did you even hear us? Half day is, well, at least better than nothing. Early dismissal, CCA cancelled, well at least it counts as a half day. But I ended up stoning at library doing my ePortfolio on Keith's laptop... And it took all the way to nearly 1pm. At least it makes a difference with no CCA.

I need to chiong Open House. I seriously need to. It's screwing up.

I suddenly started to miss Qifa again. 6E'07... It was really sad that when I went back on CNY I didn't manage to meet anyone of you... And now it's getting harder to meet.

PBLs... Please, how are they supposed to be completed, when you lack the basic theory knowledge? Especially chem, darn it.

I don't want...

I don't care, I'm going to cling on to council until the last possible moment.

There is no point crying.

I shall try to recover the mood I had last afternoon and evening. I want that enjoyment back. I want that great feeling back. Why must good moments pass so fast?

I shall not talk about today.

I can't wait for CSM. I'm dying to cheer again. Yesterday was probably the last guaranteed chance to cheer at Track and Field. It's like one of the best days of the year... How we cheered, how Hwachong owned, how everything ended... I miss every single second of it, from the moment I left assembly to the moment I stepped off 188... I want to go through everything again, I want everything back.

Will this be my last cheers?

Passion and Commitment. Live up to it, the council legacy.

Track and Field AWESOME!!!

C Div CHAMPION
B Div CHAMPION
A Div Boys 1ST RUNNER UP
A Div Girls 1ST RUNNER UP

It's B Div's 20th year of championship, and C Div's 10th year of championship, so 20-10, in year 2010. How cool is that!

In school it was quite retarded, Liang Lao Shi gave us situational writing in 30min and I had to do during recess, cos I had to leave early. Grrr, very pissed. And she was suaning Science students again.

Actually a very rushed lunch, then assemble at SALT centre. The usual admin stuff lah, and Nick Chuan was quite fail in his cheering, probably lost his voice already somehow...

Prep talk on the bus was quite fail seriously, sec 1s totally don't get the spirit... And we've tried many ways. Sec 1s are really more and more CMI as the years go past...

We got the exact same spot as last year, cool. And well, sec 1s were more interested in 100Plus sponsored items and drinks... They were distributing clappers but we didn't allow them to use, bleh, and the 100Plus people were a bit pissed off with us. Apparently cheering didn't start off very well but reached the peak near the end, which was quite good, although it was after a few inspirational talks. Ahem. And flag-waving was fun, though really really tiring. I hope now I can do chin-ups (=

The WANG Councillors! Cedar girls and St. Nicks were spamming cheers at the gate, and well, we were totally ignoring, like 不要跟女孩子计较. Ha. But we cheered back a little. Ultimately we got our 15x15m Wang banner in the right place, but apparently my nails weren't of much use when it came to untying banners, cos they were too tight. Grrr. It felt totally like last year, exactly at the same spot, did the same things. So cool.

Ended off with school song, cheers, full day holiday shouts, and a run around the track. Totally tired but it felt really great!

And somehow I agreed with Pui Jeng to go home together, and apparently she suggested taking bus back since it'll be the same bus. And the bus ride was probably 30min? Much slower than MRT, but I really enjoyed the chat with her =D very random things we talked about, but it's amazing how we actually managed to talk for so long...

This is probably one of the best afternoons and evenings I've ever had!!! THREE CHEERS FOR HWACHONG!!!

I feel so bad for whatever I'm feeling now...
Life is so unfair.

Hate myself.

Loaded and READY

Track & Field finals, here we come. Rock the stadium down, and own all the rest. We can do it!!!

37HSC
Frontlines 领

Light orange shirt. Black PE shorts. We're going to dominate CCK stadium in this. 37 High School Council: Loaded and READY. We're going to make sure no one else gets in our way.

We shall cheer for Nanyang as well. Jiayou Pui Jeng ;p Pro lor, IC for this already. Hah.

Awesome!!!

Where I can shout everything out and let my emotions rest. Finally.

我怕... 真的好怕...

成功之山，得靠自己攀登。
失败之路，是由自己选择。


海天辽阔，我不信我找不到自己该走的路。
万事其无疆...

“如果你现在不照顾好自己的身体，以后二十多岁就会得病的。”
“我还真管不了那么多。能活到那儿已经不错了。”

Have I sacrificed enough?

Coffee!!! <3 I finally get coffee at home! Tastes more pure than the canned ones, though still not very pure, but good enough! And I can still sleep as well after drinking it... Well I'm going for the taste only anyway. Hah

How fail is it, when a promoter shows you a product that's supposedly "very well sold", and upon trying it out, it hangs? Exactly what happened today when I tried out the Zen X-Fi 2 at Best. Haha, super funny. And that was exactly why I gave up on it. Now I suddenly have an urge to go for iTouch, but it's super expensive...

Should I wait for a mac, or just get a cheap and high-performing PC? PCs are going extremely cheap nowadays, probably when the new batch comes in NUS there will be better bargains. Actually my current one is fine, only that if I bring it to school, my mother has to use the old one which is extremely slow and unstable. And now I bring it to school quite often. And this is quite heavy and the performance isn't very attractive. Hmm... It's quite amazing when people sees your laptop and go "Whoa, nice laptop!" I'll reply "No lah, one year old already." "Still new what! Newer than mine!" "But performance not very good." "Can play games?" "Yes, but will lag." "CHEY!" Very amusing to have such a convo.

Ah the school network is inaccessible these days... Quite fail.

When you want to help but don't know how, and you feel bad about it.
Pain.
Things you need but you'll never get.

被冤枉的感觉，我能勉强接受。
被利用的感觉，我已忍无可忍。

Projects Day prelims has just passed!

Cat 4 Xinyao: I think we sort of owned. We didn't have many loopholes, and we tackled the questions well. I didn't say anything though, just clicked for the slides. ;p

Cat 1 Hydrogel: Presentation went quite smooth. But apparently the judges didn't understand a single thing... We had to explain virtually everything all from the beginning, and in more detail, and I guess they still didn't understand. They first started with "What is rheology? Is the rheometer going to give you a number?" Stupid stuff, we didn't even form the hydrogel, why care about rheology now? Then, they pointed at the polymer slide and asked, "Is this the drug?" Almost burst out laughing, like gosh, it's so obvious up there, the polymer. Argh, I hope their blurness won't affect our scores...

Whatever's the case I'm going to continue with the projects, it's already ongoing, I can't possibly stop them.

Yay, and life is making me explode.

If I can't take care of myself, I don't have the rights to ask others to do the same.

你可以摧残花朵，但你阻挡不了春天。

If this is the life I'm supposed to live, I'd rather not live it.

我快被逼疯了。被困在这儿的感觉真是难以忍受。难道就没有出路吗？

Gone were the days, when I stepped into the room with pride and glory, feeling a strong sense of belonging to it.
Gone were the days, when life was so enjoyable and carefree.
Gone were the days, when I enjoyed and took pride in everything I do.
Gone were the days, when I felt embraced in true friendship and support.
Gone were the days, when I found where I was the perfect place to be.
Gone were the days...


It's a whole new life.

PROJECT ONE
Cat 1 Experimental Research - Project 151: Polymeric Hydrogel for Controlled Drug Delivery

PROJECT TWO
Cat 4 Resource Development - Project 466: Xinyao

My two ultimate projects. (=


How amazing is it, to walk into the study, grab this thick book and thinking it's University Physics, flipping it around, then realising that it's actually just College Physics? Two exceptionally thick reference textbooks at home isn't going to work out very well...

Quite sad. Two of my favourite items "died" recently. First is my MP3 player, which isn't really "dead" just totally malfunctioning. A corrupted settings file which can't be recovered, I think. Then it's my watch. I accidentally smashed it on the door handle during String Orch last Monday and the corner of the strap just came off. It's about 8 years old... Was talking of changing it but just couldn't part with this one... Now I'm forced to.

I'll just rely on the laptop before I get another music player. And I'll keep to my handphone for time.

I'm so going to have a great time. Pain.

Open House, please don't fail.
iCMG, please don't allow our plans to backfire.
SRP, please enable us to obtain the highest possible achievement.

I'm really losing weight, finally.
0730: Run from classroom to Kong Chian admin.
0800: Run from Kong Chian admin back to classroom, then to Bio lab.
1400: Run from classroom to High School staff office.
1420: Run from High School staff office to classroom, then to Chem lab.

Yahoo mail, I appreciate your Antivirus system but please don't reject innocent files.






真情真美－许茹芸
真情真美　真如一池春水
风吹点点涟漪　感受细致入微
痴心无罪　付出没有不对
就算一生一世　从此相依相随

不必在乎是谁　翻转是是非非
把前尘做白纸　写上无怨无悔
我们都愿意给　只要爱得纯粹
就算有苦有累　我们一起去背

爱是多么可贵　贵在有所作为
只要同去同归　成败也无所谓
爱是多么可贵　贵在有所作为
只要同去同归　成败也无所谓

来日风雨中有没有伤悲
无论怎么样一起来面对
百转千回　纵横南北
敞开我们的心扉

爱是多么可贵　贵在有所作为
只要同去同归　成败也无所谓
爱是多么可贵　贵在有所作为
只要同去同归　成败也无所谓
成败也无所谓


Obsessed with this song last year. Can't believe I still sort of remember the lyrics.

Implode and collapse. Or just kill myself - it's simpler. I'm trapped.